Spiders and Gray Areas

I came across this spider. This one seemed to sit still for days amidst the lavendar. Everyday I'd check on it and it wouldn't have moved. There were no prey caught in its web. Then I was out picking blackberries and found another one. It was so easy to miss them and then when they were seen it was so easy to see. How does one miss something with such bright colors?

It does remind me of how often we miss the things that are right in front of us. In Buddhism there is a concept of self-secret. Through our ignorance we don't see things until we have the perspective or tools to see them. Then we see them when the time is right. Some of the hardest things for us to see are the things we do... even if we are looking in a mirror.

Sometimes it seems that life might have been easier when the illusion of life being black & white was the norm. There are so many shades of gray in life that it is, at times, overwhelming.

This morning it was dark when I began meditating on the deck and watched as light crept into the day, the stars dissipate, and the sun's rays turn the clouds to hues of red and yellow. Driving in to work the Canadian Geese were flocking and flying. The pears are ripening in paper bags, the plums are sweet, and the second crop of green beans fill the poles. The sunflowers hang heavy, 6 feet above my head. We haven't seen the hummingbirds for many days. Then we discovered that we hadn't heard the calling of the doves (how long have they been gone?)... something I will miss until they return next spring. This morning I heard the call of a Great Horned Owl. I hadn't heard one of those in quite a while.

Tonight the sound of guns was common. It is the beginning of hunting season. I'm sue the turkey flock will be threatened, just as all the deer in the area are. Though it would be great if we lived in a world that didn't involve killing, it is a fact that we need food and energy to live. The people around here hunt and fill their freezers. For me it is a truer way to live- to be willing to confront the food you will eat rather than deny it and just uncover plastic and styrofoam from the market. I stopped hunting long ago when it hurt my heart. Now I have taken a vow of non-harming and to kill with my own hands isn't something I'd do. But it is a gray area, if I eat meat, don't I just contribute to the death of another? You say grey, I say gray... it's still a life of gray.

The crickets are very loud tonight. The moon is elsewhere, so the stars are bright. May the stars guide you home.

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